Tell her she can't have a vagina
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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