i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
