Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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