Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
