im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
