i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
