I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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