**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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