I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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