Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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