i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
