farters have to be the big spoon...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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