This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
