Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize