I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
