new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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