My nipple is on Facebook.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
