It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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