The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
