remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
