Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
