and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
