Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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