his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My feet surprised me
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
