So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
