I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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