Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
