So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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