Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
