wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
