I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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