I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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