You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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