I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
