Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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