Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
