I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
