Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
