dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
