i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
