You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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