What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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