so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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