I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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