I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it's like iHOP with fire
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
