Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
