While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
