Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
