Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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