I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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