somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
