I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
