and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just want to make out with him forever
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
