Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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