it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
