so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
