I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
