i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
