That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
