I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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