You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
