I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
