I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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