I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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