Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
