god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
