This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
