i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
