Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
