ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
this just has baby written all over it
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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