Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
