My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
