Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
