Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
