you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just found puke in my bra..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
