Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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