Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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