I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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