Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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