He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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