i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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