Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize