Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
