you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
