Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
