Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
