Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
