I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
