i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
