So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
