she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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