Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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