There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
