i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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