I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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