It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
