It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
