I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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