If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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