my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
