I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
