I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
