dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
