he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
