there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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