Screwed.edu
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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